A Night with Rockumental:

A Night with Rockumental: A Gig for the Ages (Or Maybe Just the 80s)

There are bands, and then there’s Rockumental. The classic party rock covers band that takes you on a musical time machine straight back to an era of big hair, tight pants, and face-melting guitar solos - whether you asked for it or not. They’re the group that makes you believe, if only for three-and-a-half minutes, that you could’ve been in Bon Jovi or had a fling with a member of Whitesnake. With an ironclad setlist, amps that go to eleven, and a lead singer who’s perfected every frontman move from the 70’s to 00’s, Rockumental are here to Mentalise you… or at least to get you to the end of your third beer.

Arriving at the Venue: Setting the Scene

Tonight, Rockumental's playing at a sleepy little Cotswold Pub, in the middle of nowhere, a bar that’s seen better days and worse bands. As they roll up, the band spots an audience that’s exactly their demographic: slightly buzzed, highly nostalgic, and ready to sing the chorus to "Don't Stop Believin'" in approximately two and a half hours.

The crowd isn’t large, but Rockumental’s motto is "We don’t play for size; we play for spirit." Their gear? A set of “state of the art” digital effects boards, 8000W PA, synths and electronic drums, for that signature 80’s sound, and a fog machine that occasionally belches out more smoke than a disposable vape pen.

The Setup: Fumbling Toward Rock Godhood

Setting up is a breeze… if “a breeze” means “a three-hour affair of untangling Krys “the Keys” Talbolz’s cables and shouting into mics.”   The bassist, Ben –“The Dilf” Logan, has forgotten his amp cable (again), the drummer, SJ S’s sound files have got jumbled up during soundcheck, and the lead singer’s mic refuses to cooperate unless he’s facing exactly 37 degrees northeast. But they’re pros! A roll of duct tape, a stern look, and one improvised solution later, and they’re ready to rock the roof off…. Almost!

It’s about that time when Rockumental realises they’ve forgotten their setlist. Again. So, they go with their tried-and-true backup: playing whatever the guitarist remembers from college. Lucky for everyone, it’s a rich back catalogue of the hits you either love or tolerate.

Showtime: All Aboard the Rockumental Express

The lights dim and Rockumental launches into their opener, a blistering rendition of "One Vision" that sounds almost recognisable. The rock-god lead singer, Craig “The Thunder” Matthews, swaggers to the mic, channelling all the charisma of every rock god he’s ever seen. His voice cracks, but it’s okay—it's rock n’ roll, baby.

They move through the classics: Livin’ on a Prayer, Eye of the Tiger, and the only version of “Summer of ’69” that’s ever been performed at a volume louder than a chainsaw. Some of the high notes are a bit of a stretch, but Craig and the boys hit every one of them, even if it’s three octaves lower than originally intended.

During Pour Some Sugar on Me, Craig does his signature move: he rips his shirt off, revealing a surprisingly toned torso for a guy who orders chicken wings as often as Paul orders guitar strings. The crowd goes wild..!! Or are at least politely enthused.

The Guitar Solo: 20 Minutes of Freedom

Halfway through the set, they get to the guitarist’s big moment. It’s time for… “Eruption”. The rest of the band takes this opportunity to hit the bar for a quick drink, and so does the crowd. But to the one guy who stayed behind? This Guitar solo may be the highlight of his evening, our lead axman, Paul “Gordie McTwatface” Coffey, unleashes a solo that blends the precision of Eddie Van Halen with the volume of a jet engine. A small child in the audience claps enthusiastically, an elderly woman in the corner tries to shush him.

Audience Participation: Your Turn to Shine

For Rockumental, no gig is complete without inviting the audience to join in on the band’s signature sing-along anthem, “We Will Rock You… (Mental)” and by this point, everyone in the bar is either singing along, swaying, or trying to order another drink to numb the onslaught of crowds performance. The band is having the time of their lives.

The Grand Finale: Don’t Stop Believin’

The band gears up for the finale. You know what it is. We know what it is. And more importantly, the crowd knows what it is: Don’t Stop Believin’.

Craig pours every last ounce of his vocal range (or what’s left of it) into the song, even doing the double-handed mic hold for maximum emotional impact. The bassist has an impressive bass solo that is mostly just him turning his volume knob on and off rhythmically, and the Gordie McTwatface strikes every pose from the cover of Guitar Hero.

It’s magic. People are swaying, some are sobbing (perhaps from nostalgia, perhaps from the noise), and everyone knows that they’re part of something legendary.

The Aftermath: Glory and Wings

After the final chord fades, Rockumental stumbles off stage to riotous applause and a chorus of “we’re not gonna take it…” from the Sampson clan, who are die-hard Mentalists.

The band laughs it off as they make their way to the bar for celebratory wings and whatever’s on tap. It’s not about fame, money, or groupies (though they won’t complain if any come their way). No, Rockumental plays for the love of rock, the thrill of hitting almost every note, and the knowledge that they gave the crowd and bars neighbours a night they will definitely, (probably) remember - if only because the band’s sound system will have their ears buzzing until the middle of next week.

Rock on, you've been Mentalised by Rockumental.